Super Mario World or Being Lost In A Haze

I was so jazzed up in the Mario universe that I just had to pop in the Super Nintendo classic Super Mario World last night. Fact: This is the best selling video game of all time. Fact: I never played it because, well, because I had to replay Lunar. You see, I was this close to beating Lunar, and some jerks friends who shall remain nameless, knew what I was about to do and how it would screw up the ending, yet, they let me open that door. Curse you Mat and Adam!!!

Anyway, I am loving the colors of Super Mario World. I’m in this haze and really digging it. Sometimes, I just stare at it, then freak out when the time’s running out music kicks in. Surround sound is choice. I hate to admit it, but there’s something so refreshing about a side-scrolling platformer. Pick it up and play. Lovely.

Dinosaur? Yayyyy!

Yoshi arrives so quickly! So unexpected! God, I love this game. So, a word of advice, investigate all avenues before choosing a level to play. For those who haven’t played it (what are you waiting for?!) you get to go left or right at the start of the game. I went right, like a dope, and I totally missed the switch palace high atop the mountain. All was not lost however, as I was able to backtrack before the first castle. Totally smushed that castle. +1. I’m the best.

smash smash smash

Having seen my friends play this game countless times, I was aware of the fact that yellow levels have one exit, while the red levels have TWO exits. There is the standard exit, and then the “secret” exit that requires the key. Crazy. I got stuck on Donut Plains because I wanted to high tail it to Star Road. Where is that key?!?! I had to Google that mess and found out where the key was hiding. Vrrrap Vrrrap Vrrap. Off to Star Road!

And this is where I decide to call it a night. I’m still not certain if I will beat Star Road and eventually backdoor Bowser (sexual innuendo intended) or play it straight and try to maximize my enjoyment of this game. I have like two dozen other games that will take me at least 10,000 hours this year to beat, so I most likely will dispose of this one in the coming days by sneaking my way into the last castle.

Wahoooooooo!!

Super Mario Galaxy or: The Terrible Things I Would Do To Rosalina

"Wahoo!!"

Well, my countdown continues this week with Super Mario Galaxy, and what joyous fun it has been so far. Why, I have only made it to the Terrace Galaxies, yet I’ve found myself wrapped up in the intricate groundwork of a story whose depth I know not yet! Not to mention this wonderful thing:

Lovely Rosalina

Her name is Rosalina, and boy if the fellows at Nintendo didn’t pull her outta my dreams! I don’t know if its my lack of contact with the outside world ever since starting the countdown or what, but I was taken from the start with her womanly wiles.

In between levels I naturally searched the web for every picture of this angelic beauty, in hopes of creating a collage capturing her whimsical nature for all of you to see. Instead, I found this:

Some bitch "dressed up" like Rosalina? Please...

I have never been this disgusted. I mean really? You think just cause you put on some shiny aquamarine dress and stick a Burger King crown reject on your head you can call yourself Rosalina? I almost puked at this, I’m not kidding.

Well anyways, once my stomach settled I jumped right back in the game and traveled to the Honeyhive Galaxy. I never thought being a bee would “bee” so much fun! I wonder if Rosalina will recognize me  😛

"Eat your heart out, fake Rosalina!"

And on that note, I g2g…  while shouting the caption above as I typed it, I just knocked over the acoustic guitar I’m borrowing from Devo and I’m covered in dust! See you ’round the Galaxy!!!!!!1

The Destruction Part…

I’m constantly amazed by the breadth of activities I can experience due to the magic of videogames.  Why, in this past week alone I’ve stolen a bum’s bottle, slept in a tent, and boarded a phantom train.  It is during times like these that I become wistful.

I’ve lived a full life thus far.  I’ve done questionable things during high school that dropped my ROTC rank, waved my shirt in circular motions at Petey Pablo’s command, and even played “keg hide and seek” on my parents’ roof, but with less than a year remaining until ultimate armageddon, I’ve got to pick up the pace a bit.  Living out the remainder of my time on Earth through the eyes of heroes like Link (or as I’ve named him, “SwtyVag”) and Terra will allow me to truly understand the human experience.

As we all know, December 21st of this year will mark the end of existence.  I’ve been researching and have concluded that I have until the 16th, the beginning of Wayeb’, to complete my list of games.  My salvation comes when I have finished them all.  Only then will I be able to sign in at the Pearly Gates with a free conscience, or be reincarnated into a cockroach or whatever’s leftover after all the volcanoes and aliens and stuff.

On that first day of Wayeb’, I know to expect “portals between the mortal realm and the Underworld” to dissolve.  There will be “no boundaries [preventing] the ill-intending deities from causing disasters” (Wikipedia).  If I can finish Final Fantasy VI in time, I should have enough MP to summon Bismark the whale esper to keep me safe.

Final Fantasy VI or Final Fantasy Greatest!!!

I decided to take a break from that game with that little guy in green pantyhose and move on to a game that I am aghast to learn that I have not played, Final Fantasy VI as it is known to us purists or Final Fantasy III to you self absorbed American assholes.

Luckily, I still have the PS1 game disk I borrowed from Adam over 10 years ago.  The jewel case and instruction booklet have been utterly destroyed and the Final Fantasy V disk was shot to bits, but the Final Fantasy VI disk is sill workable.  If Adam ever asks, I’ll just deny I ever borrowed it.  Who can trust a Puerto Rican anyway?

I have been told that this is one of the best Final Fantasy games ever, third only to Final Fantasy VII and then VIII, which I have a strange fetish for.  What can I say?  I am a sucker for Cowboys and the way in which the Japanese portray Americans.  I love you Irvine, no one blames you for being unable to perform under the pressure.  It’s happened to the best of us.

I start the game, shit looks exciting!!!  There is steam, two dudes in weird hats, growling mechanical devices and some sexy senorita in a pink leotard and green hair, she fits right in to the drab industrial setting.  Regardless, I love me a woman with green hair; it’s like using a Hyper, my limit break meter is half way there.

<<Bull Hull>>

Wait was that just a sinister looking clown?  Hey why not?

<<Bull Hull>>

So I have been playing for ten minutes and I have yet to do a damn thing.  This game is just so enthralling, I can’t put it down.

Finally, a battle, what do I do, the choices the choices, attack or item, I’m so confused.  I’ll use an item, potion, fantastic, 10 hp on Wedge who has not been hit yet.

A second battle, what’s this new choice.  Esper! Summon Shiva! Exciting action!!!

A scantily clad, 16 bit, blue skinned, ice goddess with green hair!

Sco’move blog, my limit break meter is flashing and it’s time for my Finish Touch.

Link to the Past: First Impressions

Well I started A Link to the Past recently. I no longer own a Super Nintendo, and in fact,  I don’t think I ever owned a SNES, so I purchased the game on my Wii through the WiiWare service. Best 800 points ever!!

I am still early on in the game, but was impressed with the initial setting of Link’s house and making the way to Hyrule Castle. Great rain effects!! Through the cellar of the castle I noticed some cracked walls, but I didn’t have any bombs. Hmm…I know who will be visiting this location again in the future! Lolz. I fiddled around in the castle for a while and then I was off to the over world.

I knew I had to make my way to the Eastern Palace. I wasn’t exactly sure where it was, so I just kept going right on my screen. Score! I got the Bow, and also some Arrows. Such a great combination. Even though I haven’t played this version of Link before, the use of that combination is familiar to me.

I still have a ways to go in this quest, and I think I need to head to a Village soon. The exact name escapes me at the moment, but I know I’ll find it soon!!

Until next time.

Yours in Video Games.

Joe

Hello world!

So here is the basic list of video games I have. Leave more ideas and suggestions in the comments section!

PS3	Assassins Creed 1
PS3	Assassins Creed 2
PS3	Assassins Creed 3
PS3	Dragon Age Origins
PSOne	Final Fantasy VI
SNES	Link to the Past
SNES	Super Mario World
SNES	Super Metroid
Wii	Mario Galaxy 1
Wii	Mario Galaxy 2
Wii	Zelda: Skyward Sword
Wii	Zelda: Twighlight Princess
Xbox	Knights of the Old Republic
Xbox	Mass Effect 1
Xbox	Mass Effect 2
Xbox	Elder Scrolls Series
PC	Empire: Total War
PC	Civilization 5
PC	The Old Republic
PC	World of Warcraft